Little moments big memories 

Something precious 

The marriage relationship is the most important relationship that we can have in this life. In the scriptures we are commanded to love our spouse with all our heart. Why is loving our spouses so important? It is because they are the people, we will be spending all eternity with. Anything we want to last a long time or even forever we take good care of. We would never leave a favorite blanket outside to get exposed to the elements and animals. So why do we often expose our marriages to harmful conditions such as 

• fighting
• resentment
•  ignoring each other
• Saying bad things about them to others

 We need to take care of our marriage like we would take care of a favorite blanket.

John Gottman stated that “Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship …. a mutual respect and enjoyment of each other’s company”. (. Hawkins, Dollahite & Draper, 2020,p. 40)

Little moments

Last week my husband went into work later than normal, normally I am still asleep when he leaves for work so this was a treat. There was a period when the older two had gone off the school and the younger three were still sleeping. I went into the bathroom to get myself ready for the day and my husband came in and stood in the doorway and talked to me. I do not even remember what we talked about, it was probably just trivial things, but I remember feeling so close to him in that moment and not wanting it to end. I thought "this is what happiness is". This does not happen enough, too often we are occupied with the kids  or we just fall into bed at the end of the day and do not say much to each other. It is important that couples have these moments when they talk as friends and not about the issues that are currently stressing them. It is so wonderful when these moments happen organically but when life gets busy, they do not often do. 

Set time aside 

I suggest that couples set aside time once or twice a week or better yet every day to just talk and get to know each other better. Of course, couples need to talk about the budget and the kids but there needs to be a time for couples to put that stuff a side and get to know each other as friends. Doing this not only builds friendship but the love for one another grows too. I can blog about this all day, but things are not going to change in my marriage unless I implement what I am writing about. I often get caught up in the stresses of life and even when I am determined to have a problem free conversation with my husband, I end up breaking that commitment and talk about my stressors. So, I am going to try to re commit to having "stress free” talk time.

 I will admit that sometimes I have a hard time thinking of things to talk about that do not have anything to do with money or kids or the stresses of life which is why I try to listen to the news and read articles throughout the day so I can get ideas of things I can talk with my husband about.  I challenge you my readers to do this too and let us see if our relationships are strengthened.

Lists of love  

                                                        

Another way to grow love is to keep a mental or physical list of personal information about our spouse such as favorite foods, favorite book, their goals. This notebook also includes our spouses "dreams, joys, fears, dislikes, likes and frustrations". John Gottman calls this making a love map.  You then use this information to serve your spouse such as

•  Buying them their favorite snack when you see it at the store 
• Suggesting watching a show together that you know they like.
•  Suggesting  you go out to eat at their favorite restaurant 
• Finding books that they like and reading them so you can discuss the book together with them 

Marriage Benefits 

                                                    

                            

  Another reason to work hard at marriage is because  it improves quality of life. When couples work to have a happy marriage, they receive benefits that people who are not married do not get. When a couple works hard to make a marriage work, they have less symptoms of depression and are healthier. Health benefits from marriage are seen across all socio-economic back grounds. At an older age married people are much healthier than their single counter parts and have fewer physical limitations. Studies show   people living together are not as happy and healthy as married couples. It can be said that this is the case because happier and healthier people marry and that is true, but studies show that happiness and wellbeing does increase once a person gets married. Studies have also shown that married people are better off financially and have more  food and housing security. This is not to say that all unmarried people are unhappy and poor it  just means  that your chances for happiness and financial security improve when you are married. With all the benefits marriage gives us it is imperative that we treat our marriages  like our greatest possession.

 

                                                      Works cited 

Hawkins, Dollahite & Draper (2020) . Successful Marriages and Families : Proclamtion and principles research perspectives. Brigham Young University